JOHN HARRIS this week received his longed-for iPhone - although a major courier company kept it out of his hands for five days!.

At last, the Apple iPhone is now myPhone: But its long-awaited arrival was marred by a technology-enabled comedy of errors that makes Homer Simpson look like a serious candidate for US president.

When I ordered an iPhone on August 7, Optus guaranteed it would arrive no later than September 12.  When I called two weeks later, that ETA had slipped to Monday, September 15.

So, about 4pm last Monday, with a sinking feeling in my stomach, I called Optus and waited the obligatory 20 minutes before a Customer Care Representative could demonstrate how much they valued my business.

Of course, the phone number and identity code that I’d dutifully keyed into their annoying voice navigation system did not pop up on the CCR’s screen.

After I’d reintroduced myself, I was assured that my iPhone was about to arrive: In fact, the CCR was so certain of the fact that I was rewarded with the phone number for courier Toll Priority and the relevant consignment note number. “Now you won’t have to call us,” he said, happily.

The Toll folk were not so cheerful: Their computer system said a driver had attempted to deliver the Optus parcel on Friday at 9.19am but “no customer signature was available”.

Given I’d been sitting at my desk at that time, I guess the driver should have held his finger a little closer to the doorbell when he attempted the delivery. Alternatively, leaving a note would have been nice.

When Toll’s CCR promised a Tuesday delivery, I suggested that either I or my fine colleague Mike O’Reilly could sign for the delivery.

Approaching lunchtime Tuesday, I got that jittery feeling again, called Toll and was told that its national computer system had spat the dummy and was not working: After making all these phone calls, I could empathise on both counts.

Furthermore, my iPhone package was sitting on a shelf at Toll’s Adelaide Airport depot.

“Can my wife come down and pick it up for me?” I asked after it became apparent that the phone was not going to make it across town that day.

“I’m afraid not,” the Toll CCR informed me. “The only person that can sign for it is Mike O’Reilly.”

“That’s what’ it says here and I can’t do anything about it. I’m not going risk my job for Optus.”

So, again I called Optus and after the obligatory 20-minute wait, I was back in the embrace of an Optus CCR who told me she had a problem (welcome to the club!).

“Your name is not on this order form, sir,” she informed me. “The computer screen says it has been bought by Impress Media Australia.”

“No problem,” I said. “That’s my company.”

“But it doesn’t say that here, so I need to send an email to the person that took your order so they can verify that you placed the order.”

I’m not sure what Optus had done with my mother’s maiden name, my birth date and all the other factoids they use to assemble my digital identity, but at this point I lost it and began wheedling for mercy.

Eventually, the kindly CCR told me she would exceed her authority by calling Toll to authorise them to let me or my beloved wife collect the iPhone that we’d signed a $3071.90 contract for.

When a Customer Care Rep has to break the rules in order to care for a customer, you know that the technology tail really is wagging the dog.

But Optus ended up with the last laugh: They started charging me for the new phone from the day they sent it, not when I finally got a chance to use it - five days later!

John Harris is managing director of Impress Media Australia. You can view his website at www.johnharris.net.au

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