After a two-year love affair with his Apple iPhone, JOHN HARRIS details how he dealt with the disappointment of his beloved handset becoming a cold, unresponsive block.

Whereas once I loved my iPhone dearly, my life is now a country song where that good love has gone bad.
To start with, each new day was a delight as I discovered the wonders of the iPhone.

Its App Store was an explosion of colourful creativity as engaging as the smells of the Central Market on a Saturday morning.

Its sensitive touchscreen was a joy to use as my fingers lightly caressed the hitherto complexity of the handset controls. To enlarge tiny type, I just had to snap my fingers apart.

Sure, we had our problems. After a not-so-long day, my iPhone liked to rest and recharge its battery. But, then again, I like a quiet moment myself, so I didn’t complain.

And it was never very good as a phone: Calls would drop out inexplicably – usually when the Optus network was involved – but the good times more than made up for that grief.

Until last month when I upgraded my iPhone’s firmware to version 4.0.

Instead of improving my beloved iPhone 3G with multitasking capabilities, the updated software turned it into a cold and unresponsive block.

Turning on its screen took several seconds, making phone calls was often impossible because of its sluggishness and the software stalled rather than search for a stored contact name or number.

My mate Mike O'Reilly's 3GS iPhone upgraded okay, so the degrading upgrade relates only to the 3G model.

I searched through online forums for suggested solutions to this problem and diligently applied them all – ranging from repeated restarts to reinstalling the software from scratch as a new phone.

Nothing improved its pathetic performance, although it did occasionally receive phone calls.
Until last Friday when I plugged its USB cable into my new notebook.

Within 15 minutes, my iPhone turned into a stylish black and silver headstone, with a big white Apple logo as the epitaph.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, so I called in the communication counsellor, Axiom Mobile Phone Repairs on Grenfell Street. Please, I begged, make things like they used to be. C at Axiom replaced iOS 4.0.1 with version 3.1.2 and also added a new battery.

With the exception of riding a train, this is the first time I have ever paid money to go backwards.

Now my iPhone is working again, but the memory of that betrayal won’t go away. Every so often, the Apple epitaph appears to mockingly remind me of how my iPhone let me down.

So, while some may lust after the today’s launch of the iPhone 4.0, I’m keeping my heart in check.

Sure it has a high-resolution screen, a five-megapixel camera and one-touch videoconferencing for the $859 sticker price, but the rumours of this tempestuous beauty’s problem already abound.

Like a honky tonk angel with a red dress and bright lipstick, it just won’t respond right if you hold it too tight.

John Harris is the country-loving managing director of Impress Media Australia. Email jharris@impress.com.au.

Twitter